by Deborah Schiefer
Hurt people hurt people. And I suppose that’s true, but isn’t it an oversimplification of a bigger issue? Hurt people do hurt people but is it only because they’re hurt or is it really because they won’t do the difficult and often painful work of self-reflection and self-awareness? Growth can be so excruciating.
I’d argue that it isn’t hurt people who hurt people. More deeply and more honestly hurt people who choose to remain in their victimization rather than stepping into their life as a survivor hurt people. The fear of pain from introspection and having to admit that the things that once kept us safe now harm us and those around us can override the need for loving and meaningful human connection.
I am a hurt person. I am a hurt person who has lived multiple traumas (and yes, for those of you who have made it clear you only validate certain definitions, I do mean the PTSD criteria trauma). When I choose anger over healing, when I choose to focus on my victimization over my growth, when I choose to focus on my desire for revenge over my need for healing, when my self-preservation overrides everything else in my life, I easily become a hurt person who sees an enemy in everyone around me. I easily become a hurt person who defensively goes on the offense and finds people to hurt, claiming a role of righteous defender. Not because my true desire is to inflict pain but because it’s a self-protective mechanism. I hurt them before they hurt me or anyone else… sometimes even when they aren’t a dangerous or damaging person.
When I’m a hurt person whose fear of losing my safety and whose need for vengeance outgrows my need for healing and light, innocent bystanders can quickly become the focus of my paranoid anger. Anyone and everyone becomes a dangerous person no matter how dangerous or safe they truly are.
Hurt people hurt people.
But only sometimes. When I’m a hurt person who recognizes that good, light, and love still exist and they can still exist in me no matter what’s been done to me, I’m a hurt person who doesn’t hurt people. In those times, I become a hurt person who fights for my own healing, who chooses to be self-aware, who chooses self-reflection, who thrives in introspection and self-honesty. I become a hurt person who chooses to weigh the balance between my fear and reality. I’m a hurt person who uses wisdom and discernment to evaluate true danger and true threats from the safe people who want to see the world grow in strength and healing.
Finding your Roar is finding the balance between building walls and building boundaries. It’s learning how to embrace your history as a tool to bring light into darkness rather than wielding it as a weapon against the world.
When you Find Your Roar, you learn that hurt people don’t have to hurt people. Sometimes hurt people heal people.
Bind up the Brokenhearted.
Heal the wounded.
Choose Integrity. Dignity. Honor.
You learn that the person or people who hurt you can’t win when you refuse to allow their hatred and wickedness to consume you.
When you choose to be the light, you win.
Find Your Roar.
Find your fight.